Half Assed Dating

I don't really go on Ok Cupid dates anymore.  Mainly because I'm dating someone, but also because I have a new job that's actually hard.  I work about 5-8 more hours a week, and another hour or 2 or commuting every day.  I travel for work often enough that it would make scheduling dates harder.  Traveling for work is awesome.  You get to stay in a hotel for 2-3 nights, expense your meals, and you have an excuse to do vacationy things.

I got to go to Santa Fucking Barbara this week, and accidentally ended up on 2 unplanned first date scenarios.  So, suck on that, Dudes of Ok Cupid Who Claim They Travel Too Much To Have Time For Dating.  Just do it on location.  You know you're gonna have some time to kill.

I really wanted a margarita and some tacos.  Based on Yelp, I went to the only Mexican restaurant that had a full bar. After I'd had an amazing jalapeno margarita and some average tacos, the guy two seats away asks if I'd like to do a tequila shot with him and his friend.

You can't really think about it too long, before you answer.  Is this a bad idea?  I'm 3 blocks from my hotel, I don't have to be at work until 9 tomorrow, and it's only 7 pm now.  I'm in a public place, and there is no reason I will need to get in a car with this or any other dude.

I switched to the barstool in between us.  He said his name was Mario.  He was wearing a tee shirt that said "What Happens in Santa Barbara Stays in Santa Barbara," so I could be certain I wouldn't be tempted to have sex with him later, no matter how many tequila shots went down.

Mario launched into a monologue about being a fisherman and how cool it is.  Turns out whales are actually scary.  Then we spent a lot of time discussing the man at the end of the bar, because he looked like some actor
"....in the movie with like, snow and winter.."
" 'The Grey?'  Hugh Jackman?"
"   and he's trying to save his daughter..."
" 'Taken?' Liam Neeson?"
"No, no, I know you know who I'm talking about, I just can't place it."
"Ryan Gosling?  Channing Tatum?  Oh Oh I Know!  Morgan Freeman!  Sorry, no, seriously... Steven Baldwin?  Sean Connery?"
"Are you just naming actors?"
"No.  Why would you say that?"

It was Dennis Quaid.  I think it's so funny how that romantic comedy dialogue works so well when you're not at all into someone.  We talked about food and family and work and all the standard first date shit.  He took every opportunity to touch my hand as though it was part of the conversation.  Where do guys learn how to do this shit?

We moved on to probably the best drinking environment I've ever encountered- it was a little no-sign bar, called The Back Room, and the patio was like... Ok, everything in California is gorgeous, but this place was really cool. I'd be there every weekend if I lived there.  Large-scale wicker furniture with big cushions you could lounge around upon, tiki torches and rustic tea light holders, tropical plants in the corners that draped over me like a little canopy, not a single person who looked like they were from the Jersey Shore, and a bartender who might have been Owen Wilson.  I sighed a little about how beautiful everything was (cause I'm that guy)

"Don't leave," he said.

"I know, right?!"

"No, I'm serious.  Do you have to leave?  Can you change your ticket?"

"Um, for a few $100, so, no."

"I don't care, I'll pay for it."

"That's insane."

"I really like you.  Like, I really, REALLY like you.  I don't even understand it.  Why do I like you so much?  Why?"

"Is that an actual question? Like, do you want to know why, or you're just, like, saying?"

"Um, no I want to know, cause I don't get it. My friends set me up with girls, and they're great and all, but I just don't feel it.  With you, I totally feel it, I think you're amazing and I don't want you to leave.  Why is that?"

"No, really, that's a serious question?  Like, you would like me to answer?"

"yes, I wanna know what's up,"

"Well, no one set you up with me, so you weren't expecting or anticipating anything.  I wasn't, either, so there's no pressure on you.  And you know I'm gonna leave in a minute.  If I was sitting here saying 'next weekend we should do stuff, and next month we you should meet all my friends,' it would worry you, cause now I'm having expectations.  I don't want anything from you.  Plus, you know I'm leaving on Friday.  So, obviously that helps.  I mean, I could keep going?"

"Yeah but, I really like you!"

Oh... I don't even know what to do with you.

He walked me the block and a half back to my hotel, and in the parking lot, I said bye, and he didn't try to kiss me or anything.  I've been on dates where the guy didn't seem to show any interest until the end of the date when I was surprise-made-out with.  Mario was all about physical contact, in a totally non creepy way (he only touched my hand or shoulder, not my neck, my hip, my ass.)  I was complicit in the hand touching but didn't really reciprocate.  Like an adult, he picked up on it and didn't try to kiss me.  Even though he was painfully un-self-aware, he had a really good sense of what was friendly and what was inappropriate.  Good job, Mario.  

I had told him I was in town for 2 more days, but I didn't hear from him while I was there.  After I'd been home for a day, he texted a few times "I want 2 C U," and I didn't answer, cause c'mon.  The second night I was there, I got to have another weird version of a first date, this time with an adult.